like dog interrupted when eating

From: Leej**** @***tradecompany.hk
To: lucas****@****.es
Sent: Monday, October 4, 2010.

Subject: Angry metaphores / Vegetable similarities / Uncle Lang revenge.

Dear Mr. Lucas Varela:

Hello to you, miserable mistake of nature.

Today I am angry like Godzilla when he punch buildings. I am angry like Hulk when he is green and jean shorts. I am extreme angry, angry like tornado, angry like earthquake, angry like dog when he is eating and someone go and touch the dog (very bad thing to do, touch a dog when eating. Show teeths and «Grrrrr!»), so angry I punch Liu Kang, my assistant, in face.

And why I am angry, you ask? Because you do not delete privacy emails. You do opposite thing! You make special blog for emails, you make fun of my little English capacities and you put blog in Facebook, Twitter and other Internet famous points!

I do not like violence so I read book of meditation: “We do not do things to other people that we do not like other people do to us”, that is famous phrase of meditation book I read, author Jorge Bucay, doctor of mind and writer. I understand this phrase. It is mean for example: I do not like to receive punch in my face, so I do not punch face of my assistant Liu Kang. Very nice phrase, indeed, but very hard to follow.

I also read haiku in book. “Little bird, fly, fly / and then come back and sit / over my nose”. I never understand haiku, very abstract, but very popular in China and all the people talk about haiku, so I need to read or then I can not talk about haiku in enterprise party (very important to do business).

So I repeat: I do not like violence, but you make fun of me, so I have to do revenge to you.

But now I have little problem. Remember my cousins? From China Mafia? They in jail now, because they assault old lady outside the bank and police shoot my cousin Tang in leg, so now in hospital. My other cousin, Sun, police shoot in head! Very violent. Cousin Sun not dead, but in coma. «Similar to vegetable now», doctor explain, «not brain work, not saliva control, from now on he eat by tube and need machine to live».

So now I have zero cousins in Mafia. But I call uncle Lang Tsu, from Mafia too, father of Tang and Sun (and godfather of all China Mafia, like Marlon Brando, but not so fat, LOL). Very sad and very angry, uncle Lang, angry like me, angry like dog interrupted when eating. Uncle Lang is doing revenge to police man now. In secret basement, long torture, punch in face, extract nails with pen and everything like that, but when he is finish, he will travel to do revenge to you and make you similar to vegetable.

On regards of the ship you await, I tell you in haiku format: “Little ship, slow, slow / stop in sea because bad weather / like similar to vegetable without brain work”. This haiku, very easy to understand, not so abstract like bird haiku. It is mean bad weather in sea make the ship stop and ship can not do anything, like cousin Sun who also can not do anything because of bullet in head and similar to vegetable state and eat by tube.

Uncle Lang, remember, you be afraid and delete blog!!

Best regards,

Lee J***

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